this morning, just before my dog's barking at something outside, I had the most amazing dream. I was in an office type situation where someone had given me a pci card for installation in a computer for some sort of financial transfer from a guy who had died a few years back's savings account. this card i installed had a socket that accepted interchangeable chips of different types. as i inserted the chip the pc was on and a web browser was open. the chip forced the pc to not only open a bank website but begin a funds transfer of $90,000. this all made perfect sense to me and any guilt or wrongdoing was not in the equation as I had got the pc hardware to perform this transfer from his surviving wife. The amazing thing is, she was my second wife, Joanna. I have loved her since I lost her in 96' and have never stopped. She seemed to have been wanting me back in her life and to give me a second chance. I distinctly recall her insistence on buying me a new guitar at a sale they were having at a local store. We went to her home in Virginia and I recall her vehicle was very luxurious. Several various family members were in and out of the home and I remember small parts of interactions with them. We were very happy together and I recall feeling so in tune with her desire to have me in her life.
I was an aweful spouse to her. Very immature and insecure, taking all the negativity I felt out on her. She was always so happy and content and I think I was somehow jealous of that and looking back, it seems I was determined to make her feel as lousy as I was.
I miss her terribly and am sad to wake from this dream but happy for the experience of having it.
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