in 2005 i was selected by the beaureu of the navy to the position of Chief Petty Officer. This is different than the rank of E7 as the other branches are merely advanced by their respective departments. It's the epitome of prestige within the enlisted paygrades of the Navy. We have been for generations, asked to undergo a form of initiation. over the last ten or so years, the Navy and it's beaureacrats have tried to water down this by restricting and prohibiting different parts of the process to include renaming it to induction, transition. I'm certain this has made somewhat of an impact on the Navy in positive and countless negative ways.
i recall being made to memorize countless phrases and lists, many of which seemed pointless at the time. the one that has stuck with me were the core competencies. a list of principals a Chief should live by.
in every line of work there are those who have risen to paygrades and positions when they have absolutely no idea how to lead people. the Navy recognized this nearly a hunderd years ago and made it one of the responsibilities of the Cheif, training these higher ranking boss types on just how to go about the task of leading those who work for them.
the ones i worked for as a brand new chief did not know i was to be offering them training. it took me nearly a year to learn my own way of training these officers who thought they knew it all already. they were not the problem. it was the ones who had risen to higher paygrades from the enlisted ranks who had forgotten where they came from. they shunned the process of the initiating of a new chief or thought they would impose their own brand of training which ripped the training from the hands of those capable, the Chiefs, and ramrodded the ways in which to train those selected as well as constantly stripping the Chiefs of their power to run the command removing their ability to make the sometimes drastic changes the task needs.
as a recruiter, i discovered the most rewarding portion of the task was interacting with those bright young minds in local communities who had what it takes to be an active part of something great but with no idea or resources to get them into the position. I termed it "Handing out new lives" to future generations who would lead the Navy and maybe the nation to it's next steps. this was shadowed by those i worked for who didn't recruit but thought they knew how to lead those who were. Recruiting has taken people who have failed at other jobs and allowed them to progress farther than those of us who volunteered to go recruiting for three years to give something back to our Navy. they are the ones who run things in recruiting and have severely lost touch with the afloat Navy and her day to day tasks of which they were not good enough at to make the cut, so they went recruiting. the 800 lb gorilla in that room is that those they lead were and still are good enough to make it in afloat leadership. these Sailors are treated like cattle for the most part and they don't know the difference between a leadership position in career recruiting and the afloat leadership. they blindly follow anything asked of them or blindly accept the ways this leadership somehow strangles and hampers their proven abilities already shown in the fleet.
I could go on and on but this is idiotic and I can see no immediate solution to the problem.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Drudging through the mud
i have not blogged in forever but here is an attempt to catch up. I left my marriage in September and had a flighty few weeks afterward. staying with friends and family for a week or two each until renting and moving into a home in Rolla. after speaking to my command about my situation i was soon released from recruiting officers and ordered to not interact with any applicants. earlier when i had spoken to my master chief, he offered to have someone pay for me to go to this years initiation. when i arrived the day of, i had several things to take care of on the trip and arrived a couple hours after the other guys and he went off on me for nearly two hours, accusing me of blowing important things off and disrespecting him and the chiefs mess by showing up two hours late. the rest of the guys had been told about my predicament and had taken up a collection. it was given to me after the riot act had been read to me.a week or two later i had begun feeling tingling in my arms and fingers, my heart palpitating, i made an appointment with my psychologist as soon as i could see her. this prevented me from attending a retirement ceremony of a chief from the command that was apparently a sacred cow. i was called and railed upon by the command master chief who in the beginning of the conversation said he had half a mind to make me pay back the money given to me by my brothers and sisters for missing that ceremony, no matter the reason. by the end of the conversation he told me to pay it back and squeezed a date out of me for the next payday. I didn't have the money but in turn formulated a better plan to set up the mess' first pay pal account to benefit all the folks who had given to me. when told about this plan, again i was bludgeoned by the command master chief saying i was just doing whatever i wanted and not doing as i was ordered and not when i said i would. i saw this conversation was the same as all the others he had with me to try and make me his bitch one more time. at the next get together in tan tar a i payed the mess 250 to shit him up and at least go out quietly.
all this has rocked em to my core of my standing in the overall chiefs mess, not just the one at this command. we are led to do for each other in times of need and support one another by changing things that are wrong or at a standstill for different parts of the navy. i am a good chief and have led those in my charge to better standing than they were. I love being a chief because i get to be involved with shaping the future of the navy by bolstering those around me and make a positive change wherever i am. this has extinguished any light i had for leaving the navy as a proud navy chief at a retirement ceremony delivered by those who care. i now know that under the wrong direction, a chiefs mess with a cancer at it's top end can be not only a hindrance to it's command, but a bludgeon to the very people who could make it great, as it's supposed to be. i am ashamed to be a part of a consciousness which allows the things that my experience with this guy is a symptom of. more people's careers have been ended and curtailed by this stained tapestry of leadership.
all of this is happening while my family has crumbled around me in a fierce divorce that has been stripped financially by me supporting two separate households. i feel i am not only divorcing my wife, but also divorcing myself from my navy that i have loved for so long.
after hearing from my friend, a retired senior chief that he had a house for me to rent for cheap, i quickly moved in there. the house is awfully run down, just as my standing as a chief. i have to force heat it with small heaters and one gas unit of which i had to borrow the money from the landlord friend to get the gas for it. this is all so figurative of my life and how i feel as a chief. forcing myself to rise to any occasion professionally by external negative forces.
i feel as if all my wanting to make anything better, both maritally and professionally has been thoroughly exhausted, leaving me worn out and hollow. my only hope is a tiny shard of light in my future that shows through all the fog and mud i feel like i'm in. this tiny light is me signing up for college and sometime in my future, an end to this divorce and a bankruptcy to settle all my affairs.
throughout all this, somewhere very deep inside me, there is a roaring dragon driving my sould forward by telling me, you will not only survive, but rise above all of this. how i don't know but i have been hewn into this "broken buildning" type personality with a coursing metalworks in it's basement. this is sewn into my very soul by knowing the bedrock of belief in scriptural form, He will not put more upon you than you can bear, and there is always a way of escape, not only into calmer waters but to stride the highlands that have been purchased for you in the very blood which was beaten and torn from He which sacrificed all so that i may have not only peace, but actually excel in this life and someday actually enjoy being alive again, something whick i know very little about.
kdh
all this has rocked em to my core of my standing in the overall chiefs mess, not just the one at this command. we are led to do for each other in times of need and support one another by changing things that are wrong or at a standstill for different parts of the navy. i am a good chief and have led those in my charge to better standing than they were. I love being a chief because i get to be involved with shaping the future of the navy by bolstering those around me and make a positive change wherever i am. this has extinguished any light i had for leaving the navy as a proud navy chief at a retirement ceremony delivered by those who care. i now know that under the wrong direction, a chiefs mess with a cancer at it's top end can be not only a hindrance to it's command, but a bludgeon to the very people who could make it great, as it's supposed to be. i am ashamed to be a part of a consciousness which allows the things that my experience with this guy is a symptom of. more people's careers have been ended and curtailed by this stained tapestry of leadership.
all of this is happening while my family has crumbled around me in a fierce divorce that has been stripped financially by me supporting two separate households. i feel i am not only divorcing my wife, but also divorcing myself from my navy that i have loved for so long.
after hearing from my friend, a retired senior chief that he had a house for me to rent for cheap, i quickly moved in there. the house is awfully run down, just as my standing as a chief. i have to force heat it with small heaters and one gas unit of which i had to borrow the money from the landlord friend to get the gas for it. this is all so figurative of my life and how i feel as a chief. forcing myself to rise to any occasion professionally by external negative forces.
i feel as if all my wanting to make anything better, both maritally and professionally has been thoroughly exhausted, leaving me worn out and hollow. my only hope is a tiny shard of light in my future that shows through all the fog and mud i feel like i'm in. this tiny light is me signing up for college and sometime in my future, an end to this divorce and a bankruptcy to settle all my affairs.
throughout all this, somewhere very deep inside me, there is a roaring dragon driving my sould forward by telling me, you will not only survive, but rise above all of this. how i don't know but i have been hewn into this "broken buildning" type personality with a coursing metalworks in it's basement. this is sewn into my very soul by knowing the bedrock of belief in scriptural form, He will not put more upon you than you can bear, and there is always a way of escape, not only into calmer waters but to stride the highlands that have been purchased for you in the very blood which was beaten and torn from He which sacrificed all so that i may have not only peace, but actually excel in this life and someday actually enjoy being alive again, something whick i know very little about.
kdh
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
really long time with no blog
2011 came in with no hopes of change at home. Ultimatums given showed absolute negative results. Started talking seperation with me living in the basement in Rachel's old room. even this was not met in favor.
months went by with her watching our grandson jon and not working. The ultimatums got stronger and the fighting began in September when I kept trying to leave her, but not totally take all the funding from her at the same time.
this took a turn on a Friday when she accused me of being afraid, and picked Rachel to say i was afraid of. she began nearly foaming at the mouth and i lost it, but kept my head. be angry and sin not! she ran off in the other room grabbing jon along the way, dragging his tiny body by the shoulder.
the mele at the bedroom door was her insanity in all it's shining glory, throwing herself against the wall and threatening to call the police and tell them i did it. Lots of running around and claiming she'd call my command on me led to her trying to get her phone and call the police. she then threatened to go to barry's to have him call the police.
It was a few hours until i had a tiny bag packed of overnight stuff and was on my way to jerry's where i stayed for a week, then to springfield with adam for a week and back to my brother's for a week or two.
jerry called me at my brother's saying he had a house for me and i've been here ever since.
months went by with her watching our grandson jon and not working. The ultimatums got stronger and the fighting began in September when I kept trying to leave her, but not totally take all the funding from her at the same time.
this took a turn on a Friday when she accused me of being afraid, and picked Rachel to say i was afraid of. she began nearly foaming at the mouth and i lost it, but kept my head. be angry and sin not! she ran off in the other room grabbing jon along the way, dragging his tiny body by the shoulder.
the mele at the bedroom door was her insanity in all it's shining glory, throwing herself against the wall and threatening to call the police and tell them i did it. Lots of running around and claiming she'd call my command on me led to her trying to get her phone and call the police. she then threatened to go to barry's to have him call the police.
It was a few hours until i had a tiny bag packed of overnight stuff and was on my way to jerry's where i stayed for a week, then to springfield with adam for a week and back to my brother's for a week or two.
jerry called me at my brother's saying he had a house for me and i've been here ever since.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
long time no blog
wow! has it been a while since i've blogged or what? first i have been around the block and back maritally, have my retirement request approved and much much more. my boss still wants to kill me and my best friend is probably the best on the planet at what he does and detests the profession entirely.
on the upswing with self help. winter 10 was not very good. didn't get to see my son, didn't get to get my wife anything big, didn't get to get away to myself.
i think winter is finally over. it's around 50 deg out there and hanging in there. i think i have gone through several phones since i've last blogged. cigars were all the rage with me until they raged out of control. had to ditch them altogether. bear recommended snus. it's dynamite! like gum or candy with trace amounts of nic for the buz. amazing. want some more kcups and windows 7. miss my son a heap. am excited about some other job than this. those i work with, save a few, are knuckleheads trying to inflate themselves and their job to the size they wish it was! (not to mention their ego's) i am struggling there. out of my element and sphere of influence with my hands tied and blindfolded. go figure i'm struggling!
for like two years of this job my goals and expectations weren't aligned with the realities of the demands of the job at hand. got a new addition to our team and she's amazing, to say the least. kick in the pants and pat on the back all in one fell swoop. i think i need some me time, whada you think?
huge tsunami over in japan. huge! trifecta whammy with earthquake, 9.0 on the rs, then tsunami that destroyed most of the things that the quake didn't, including a nuclear power plant that's about to go into meltdown shortly so there's radiation everywhere. sheesh. biblical proportions over there. glad i don't live along a faultline (jk) newmadrid is due for another bigun' and edgar casey says he dreampt of walking "the beaches of Kansas" momma said she couldn't find the US in the bible.
anyway...i'm just sayin..
Sunday, June 27, 2010
wish I had the patience...
Typically, this blog has shown how my life in my own home has threatened to jeopardize my Naval career. Up until now. It has finally happened and I fear I am not fit nor capable enough to handle it.
In the last two or three months, since my big blow up after the last blog entry, my professional life has been under scrutiny. I work at a command where the only thing that is considered "mission" is submitting people to apply for the Navy as officers. My home life has become one where my wife has lost all concept and grip on priority. She was at her wits end with her job and mother's treatment by that job. She has long-since quit that job and I have supported her in that decision. Not that she has ever supported me in any important decision in my career. She has realized her salary has cost this family certain amounts and cannot come to grips with the fact that she has to remedy that loss. I retire fairly soon and will have my pay cut relatively by two thirds! This will have an extreme impact on our finances as she has no realized earning potential. This, in no uncertain terms, will end out relationship. I fear my 11 year old will suffer irreparable damage in her life, thanks to my wife's inability to do for her family financially.
In the last two or three months, since my big blow up after the last blog entry, my professional life has been under scrutiny. I work at a command where the only thing that is considered "mission" is submitting people to apply for the Navy as officers. My home life has become one where my wife has lost all concept and grip on priority. She was at her wits end with her job and mother's treatment by that job. She has long-since quit that job and I have supported her in that decision. Not that she has ever supported me in any important decision in my career. She has realized her salary has cost this family certain amounts and cannot come to grips with the fact that she has to remedy that loss. I retire fairly soon and will have my pay cut relatively by two thirds! This will have an extreme impact on our finances as she has no realized earning potential. This, in no uncertain terms, will end out relationship. I fear my 11 year old will suffer irreparable damage in her life, thanks to my wife's inability to do for her family financially.
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